I found this cute picture at a second hand store about the time I had 3 kids under 4. It so captured the way I wished I could parent that I gladly spent a couple of dollars and hung it on my bedroom wall. After a week or so I looked up the scripture it quotes, and immediately had an attack of MCDD (Mommy Compare and Despair Disorder, commonly affects women in our church who are striving for perfection and think everyone else is doing better at everything than they are.)

As I’ve attempted to liken all scripture unto me, including this one, it helps me feel better to remember that Proverbs 31 is the shopping list of qualifications for a wife given by a mother to her son. A mother-in-law’s criteria for virtue, not God’s! It also makes me more cheerful to put her long list into modern terms. Then I find a few virtues that I do have! We all might! So, here is my light hearted commentary on Proverbs 31: 10-31.

10 ¶ Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.(really rare. Hardly any women excel in all these ways.)
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.(um…could this mean he relies on her and doesn’t need to go raiding to get rich?)
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.(she has a fabric stash and quilts, or knits?)
14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.(orders groceries on Amazon?)
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.(wait…she has more than one maid??? And still gets up in the night to cook breakfast?)
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.(invests in real estate, gardens)
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.(gym membership?)
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. ( she’s up sewing or weaving at 3 am?)
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.(I like this one. She’s in Relief Society)
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.(kids and even the maids have nice warm clothes)
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.(she makes herself REALLY nice clothes)
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.(He’s in politics..of course, she needs great clothes to be a political hostess)
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.(Etsy store?)
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.(eventually..maybe after she gets some sleep)
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.(keeps her temper even though she rarely takes a break, despite the maids)
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.(um…they all wake up cheerfully in the morning? They might be rubies too!)
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.(see? Nobody is this good in real life)
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.(The last two verses are true! A woman who loves the Lord and serves where she can is a virtuous woman. We have a whole ward full of rubies!)